II. How to Use English Terminology

When it comes to terminology, you might struggle to find the right words. You might have to discuss certain topics that are somewhat out of your comfort zone. The terminology you use may not always be a hundred percent correct. Here I can come in and help: I can make sure that what you want to say is what you write but in fewer words. 

[Original copy]

"The Ministry of Religious Affairs, Indonesia, has translated the Qur'an into nine local languages. One of them is the version in Javanese language of [name]. [Name]’s language is preferred among other Javanese languages, because it is the oldest and most authentic Javanese language."

This is rather confusing -- isn't Indonesian the official language? That means [name] is a dialect or local language. I also think it'd be better to shorten the second sentence. Does the Ministry have to be included here? I don't think so. 

[Edited copy]

"In Indonesia, the text of the Qurʾan is available in nine different local languages. One of them is the Javanese dialect of [name], which is also the oldest and most authentic." 

The edited text conveys the same information but is much shorter. Any irrelevant detail has been removed, and [name] is clearly identified as a Javanese dialect. 

[Original copy]

"Alms (Shadaqah) is commonly done for religious reasons, so people donate voluntarily just to follow the teachings of religion for fear of Allah’s punishment and to get multiple rewards."

I find 'alms' in the plural here problematic because the Arabic term is singular. Also, it should be almsgiving, which is a bit too long and sounds a bit too construed and artificial. Better use 'charity' instead. The point "for fear of Allah's punishment" will be discussed later and is not strictly relevant here. I decide to omit this point and focus on the general (positive) meaning instead. 

[Edited copy]

"Charity (ṣadaqa) is commonly given for religious reasons: Muslims donate voluntarily to earn Allah’s pleasure and receive His blessings."

The main aim is to give a broad definition of 'sadaqa' and the English equivalent, which has been achieved. It is a voluntary act, in contrast to 'zakat' which is mandatory (then fear of punishment makes more sense). 

[Original copy]

"There are several types of alms: material alms, non-material alms, and jariyah alms. Material alms are the giving of one person to another such as goods, money, and food ."

The repeated use of 'alms' might be something that needs fixing. 'Alms are the giving of' is structurally unsound and requires some correction. Non-material or better immaterial? There is also some imbalance here: material and immaterial should be given equal mention. 

[Edited copy]

"There are several types of donations: material, immaterial (even a smile or a kind word is considered charity), and jārīya donations."

I have decided to shorten this. Material donations do not need further clarification but immaterial donations do, especially in this (Islamic) context. Jariya donations will be explained in the following section, so I focused on establishing these three types, without going into further detail.  

[Original copy]

"This study aimed to complement the existing research by analyzing the process of how the shift in interpretation of alms and the changes in the actor’s orientation. In particular, this also analyzes what backgrounds influence the alm actors."

These two sentences need several readings to understand what is said. They will have to be rewritten. I first identify those elements that are necessary and should be kept and those that are superfluous. I try to declutter and re-organize the content. 

[Edited copy]

"This study aimed to complement the existing research by analyzing the shift in interpretation of charity and the change in the actor’s orientation; in particular the background factors influencing the donors."

I keep 'actor' in the first sentence, as it has to do with theory. In the second sentence, however, I use 'donor' to link the idea back to charity. The result is one sentence with a clear structure that is easy to understand.