II. How to Use English Terminology

When it comes to terminology, you might struggle to find the right words. You might have to discuss certain topics that are somewhat out of your comfort zone. The terminology you use may not always be a hundred percent correct. Here I can come in and help: I can make sure that what you want to say is what you write but in fewer words. 

[Original copy]

"The Ministry of Religious Affairs, Indonesia, has translated the Qur'an into nine local languages. One of them is the version in Javanese language of [name]. [Name]’s language is preferred among other Javanese languages, because it is the oldest and most authentic Javanese language."

This is rather confusing -- isn't Indonesian the official language? That means [name] is a dialect or local language. I also think it'd be better to shorten the second sentence. Does the Ministry have to be included here? I don't think so. 

[Edited copy]

"In Indonesia, the text of the Qurʾan is available in nine different local languages. One of them is the Javanese dialect of [name], which is also the oldest and most authentic." 

The edited text conveys the same information but is much shorter. Any irrelevant detail has been removed, and [name] is clearly identified as a Javanese dialect. 

[Original copy]

"Alms (Shadaqah) is commonly done for religious reasons, so people donate voluntarily just to follow the teachings of religion for fear of Allah’s punishment and to get multiple rewards."

I find 'alms' in the plural here problematic because the Arabic term is singular. Also, it should be almsgiving, which is a bit too long and sounds a bit too construed and artificial. Better use 'charity' instead. The point "for fear of Allah's punishment" will be discussed later and is not strictly relevant here. I decide to omit this point and focus on the general (positive) meaning instead. 

[Edited copy]

"Charity (ṣadaqa) is commonly given for religious reasons: Muslims donate voluntarily to earn Allah’s pleasure and receive His blessings."

The main aim is to give a broad definition of 'sadaqa' and the English equivalent, which has been achieved. It is a voluntary act, in contrast to 'zakat' which is mandatory (then fear of punishment makes more sense). 

[Original copy]

"There are several types of alms: material alms, non-material alms, and jariyah alms. Material alms are the giving of one person to another such as goods, money, and food ."

The repeated use of 'alms' might be something that needs fixing. 'Alms are the giving of' is structurally unsound and requires some correction. Non-material or better immaterial? There is also some imbalance here: material and immaterial should be given equal mention. 

[Edited copy]

"There are several types of donations: material, immaterial (even a smile or a kind word is considered charity), and jārīya donations."

I have decided to shorten this. Material donations do not need further clarification but immaterial donations do, especially in this (Islamic) context. Jariya donations will be explained in the following section, so I focused on establishing these three types, without going into further detail.  

[Original copy]

"This study aimed to complement the existing research by analyzing the process of how the shift in interpretation of alms and the changes in the actor’s orientation. In particular, this also analyzes what backgrounds influence the alm actors."

These two sentences need several readings to understand what is said. They will have to be rewritten. I first identify those elements that are necessary and should be kept and those that are superfluous. I try to declutter and re-organize the content. 

[Edited copy]

"This study aimed to complement the existing research by analyzing the shift in interpretation of charity and the change in the actor’s orientation; in particular the background factors influencing the donors."

I keep 'actor' in the first sentence, as it has to do with theory. In the second sentence, however, I use 'donor' to link the idea back to charity. The result is one sentence with a clear structure that is easy to understand. 

 

I. How to Make Your Title Shine

I have found a few good examples to show how research paper titles can be improved by increasing the overall clarity. Good titles are precise and concise and must not be too long and wordy.

When I edit a research paper, I usually leave the title first, edit the whole body of the copy, and only then go back to the title. The same goes for the abstract. There is no point in trying to improve those elements before I have worked through the whole copy and understood all the points. 

I have left out certain details in the examples for privacy reasons. 

Let's have a look at the examples below:

[Original copy]

"Cultural Barriers in Translating the Qur'an into Low Context Culture: The Words of God in Javanese [name of dialect]."

First of all, the title is rather long. Shorter titles are better, but this is not always achievable. Barriers to/in/against/for? Is "cultural barriers" a proper term? English prepositions are a tricky bunch. "Low context culture" -- there might be a hyphen missing here. The "Words of God?" -- shouldn't it be "the Word of God" in the singular? After confirming all points, I decide not to shorten the title because it has a nice parallel structure. 

[Edited copy]

"Cultural Barriers in Translating the Qur’an into Low-Context Culture: The Word of God in Javanese [name of dialect]."

I decide to keep "barriers in" instead of "barriers to" -- both are being used, although the correct use is certainly "barriers to". It has to be "low-context culture" because "low" defines "context", not "culture". "The Word of God" is used instead of "scripture".  It's a good title that describes the topic well. 

[Original copy]

"Waqf and Spirituality-Gene Expression: Quranic Exegesis and Biological Explanation."

 It's obvious that the first word is foreign and should be kept in italics but not the rest. "Spirituality-Gene" seems a bit awkward-- does it need a hyphen? Is "gene expression" a proper term? "Biological explanation" seems a bit stiff and out of place here. 

[Edited copy]

"Waqf and ‘Spirituality Gene’ Expression: The Qurʾan and Advances in Biogenetics."

Waqf as a foreign term is kept in italics. Since I'm familiar with the term "God gene", I take "Spirituality gene" as an adaptation of the said. The article deals with Qur'an interpretation but it's not of primary importance here, therefore "Qur'an" is enough. I decide to replace the rather plain and vague "biological explanation" with "advances in biogenetics" -- it sounds far better. 

[Original copy]

 "The Role of [name] in the Early British Sufism Discourse."

At first sight, the title seems okay, but it can be improved. "Early" and "British" and "Sufism" -- three words to describe "discourse" seems a bit too much. 

[Edited copy]

"Sir [name] (1746–1794) and the Early Orientalist Discourse on Sufism."

Upon researching the name, I learn that [name] had been a British peer. The title "Sir" has to be included in the name. For correct identification of the person, I add the dates in brackets. It also helps the whole (historical) article because now the readers know that it deals with 18th-century history. I decide to keep "early" because the topic deals with the beginnings of orientalism, so it's justified here. What I find missing in the title is "orientalist" and add it to further define "discourse". "Sufism" is the topic of the discourse, so properly rendered as "discourse on Sufism." The initial "the role of" can safely be discarded. If the article is on [name], his role is already implied.  

Upcoming series: How can I help my writers?

In the upcoming weeks, I'm going to publish a series of posts

"How can I help my writers?"

In this series, I'm going to share some of my experience in copyediting. I've noticed that I can really help my clients to improve the quality of their research articles. This can be in specific ways in which I improve their style to achieve clarity and conciseness, or suggest more effective ways of organizing the overall content or certain elements. I also make it a habit of checking terminology and suggesting more adequate and fitting terms where necessary. Fact-checking is also important, especially if writers simply do not have the time to do more background research.

I'm going to refer to actual editing projects and give examples of when, why, and how I help my writers improve their work. Most of these research papers that I edit will be published, so it is important that they meet the standard in terms of grammar, style, structure, and format. 

Appointed Editor for Teosofia Journal

 More good news!

I have started working as the editor of new articles published in the Teosofia Indonesian Journal of Islamic Mysticism.

Once the articles that I have proofread and copyedited are available online, I let you know. 

Teosofia: Indonesian Journal of Islamic Mysticism (e-ISSN: 2540-8186 p-ISSN: 2302-8017) is a double blind-reviewed journal, published twice a year by Faculty of Ushuluddin and Humanities, State Islamic University (UIN) Walisongo Semarang Indonesia. 

Approved proofreader, university

Good news! 

I have been approved as proofreader by the International Islamic University Malaysia (IIUM). I am given student theses and dissertations to edit and issue the certification letter. 

https://www.iium.edu.my/